Often our insecurities seem to be at the forefront of our mind. Whereas it takes conscious effort to really focus on the positive aspects of ourselves. Why is that? I believe it is because we live in a very critical world where people are constantly trying to live up to the expectations of society. This is why I think it is important to make the conscious effort in seeing and determining your worth on a regular basis. In this critical world, we have to be able to look inside ourselves and see the good.
Let me first start with the things that do NOT define our worth.
Our Worth is NOT in Our Appearance
There is an ideal body type that everyone seems to be striving for. This body type is unrealistic for most, meaning they are constantly working towards a skinnier and/or stronger version of themselves. They are constantly thinking they need to eat better and workout more, and in the process, they are shaming themselves for not achieving these high and unrealistic expectations. This, inevitably leads to low self-esteem.
Our Worth is NOT in Our Career
We spend the majority of our waking hours at work. Often times we are forced to bring our work home with us, sometimes even going to bed thinking about work only to wake up the next morning to rush into the office. We decide at an early age what we want to do with the rest of our lives, and we often get stuck in that career even as we change and grow into ourselves. This means we spend the majority of our waking hours in careers that don’t satisfy us or our purpose. In that case, what if we were defined solely based on this unfulfilling career? When we spend all our time on work, we miss out on hobbies, adventures, and life experiences that give us worth.
Our Worth is NOT in Our Things
We can’t allow our material possessions to define our worth either. I am not my house. I am not my car. I am not my cell phone. And it’s a good thing, right? I have those things. They don’t make me any better or worse, and they can all be gone in a heartbeat.
Our Worth is NOT in Another Person
I’ve spent far too much time looking to others for validation. We want others to tell us how beautiful, smart, and kind we are. However, we can’t simply lean on others to tell us why we are worthy. This includes family members, friends, and partners.
Your worth doesn’t have to come from the family you grew up in. They do not define you. Yes, they have helped make you into the person you are. You wouldn’t have been born into the family you were without reason. The universe wanted you to be shaped by them. But you get to choose your own way and path in this world. You can go wherever and do whatever you wish. Realizing that power can bring you worth.
Your worth is not defined by the group of people you hang out with. Having lots of friends doesn’t make you any better. Just as having a few really significant friends doesn’t make you any worse. We want to have a firm understanding of ourselves and our worth, so that we don’t end up becoming the people we are around - whether good or bad. Our relationships help shape us, but they don’t have to become us. They should enhance us and make us better versions of ourselves.
I saved the best for last, because I have often been guilty of allowing romantic relationships to define my worth. I look to men to make me feel more worthy. He thinks I’m beautiful, so I must be. He thinks I’m smart, so I guess I am. If I do this for him, he will be happy with me, but when we do this, we lose ourselves in the process.
What makes us worthy?
The bottom line is that your worth is not in people, places, or things. At the end of the day, it’s just you. You are stuck with yourself. Scratch that, you get to be with yourself, so what makes you worthy? How do you love yourself and internalize your worth?
Step 1 - Find your Beauty. You were created exactly as you are for a reason. Look in the mirror and speak words of love and affirmation to yourself… not only to your body by accepting yourself as you are, but also to your mind and your soul. Ask yourself: What makes me beautiful?
Step 2 - Explore the Things you Enjoy. Doing things that make us happy, allow us to feel more fulfilled, and when we are filled up, we are simply better humans. Ask yourself: What makes me happy? What lights a fire in my heart? If you don’t like your job, what would you rather be doing?
Step 3 - Stick with the Right People for You. Find friends and loved ones that appreciate you for all the things that make you, you… your strengths and your flaws, your good days and your bad days, and the things you can and cannot control. Ask yourself: Who in my life is helping me to be the best version of myself? What is it that attracts me to these people?
Step 4 - Make Peace with Your Flaws. They are part of you for a reason. We were created with these flaws, and we can use these flaws to make the world a better place. Ask yourself: What are my flaws and how can I see these flaws in a new light.
Step 5 - Look to Possessions of Value. Our most valuable possessions often have the least monetary value. Look to these items to define your worth. Ask yourself: Why is this important to me? What memories does it bring up? Why do I keep it?
Step 6 - Question your Actions. When making choices, you have to decide for yourself, not for others. You have to ask yourself: how am I going to feel about myself if I do this? Are my actions in line with my moral standards? Doing the right thing is going to build you up, give you confidence, and inspire others as well.
Step 7- Find Time to Be Alone. We can be completely over stimulated between our constant need to be busy and our attachment to technology. When we are alone, we are not sure what to do with ourselves, but it is in this time, that we can explore and reflect on who we are and how we want to spend our time.
Your worth comes from inside you. You don’t have to be excellent or perfect in any way to feel worthy. You don’t have to do, think, or feel certain things to be of worth. If we look at it as an equation, it just doesn’t work. If I do this, then I will be worthy. If I work the steps, if I perform well at work, if I volunteer or donate, than I will be worthy. You have to internalize your worth. Words are not enough. Actions are not enough. You have to feel it in your heart.
YOU ARE WORTHY!